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Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling. - Margaret Lee R

Hello.

Just a normal blog check up, you know.

I just scrolled down on my VERY PREVIOUS PREVIOUS PAGE. Posts I wrote, um, 2-3 years ago. Yeah, and it sucks, I lol'ed at my self for writting them back then. 

And this is November people, I have faced my 5th month on 81 SHS, and I have faced a lot. Tears, laughter, heartbreaks, jerks, bitch*s, friendship, and subjects you have to seriously pay attention at when they actually not really essential in real life. Well, High School is tough, so you might as well be tougher.

One thing I learned, it's true what they say, Higschool did change people into someone they said they'd never be. You might see that on "Le.." post I wrote few weeks ago.

So those are the nay's of November. The Yay's?

- *switching to Indonesian*

Angkatan 21 atau 81'15 resmi punya nama angkatan, ketua angkatan dan wakil ketua angkatan:) Horeee *claps, please?* 

The name is Aquila :) *go and wikipedia it!*

Kata kakak kakak PO, Aquila itu melambangkan makhluk setengah ksatria setengah elang. Ksatria yang bijaksana, jujur, dan cinta negara:)

Aaaamiiin ya Allah.

*switching back*

- I have succesfully made my not-so first friendship fish tail bracelet out of sewings, horrayyy

- Boys who blog are hot.

That's it.

Still cant find a reason behind this piece of writing.

sarahannida

Paroxysm

;A sudden, strong emotion.

That moment when paroxysm hit you, and you just want to kneed down and cry, ever experienced that?

That moment when all you ever wanted was right there, yet you cant even reach through it.

That moment, that special someone, who you thought was not special anymore.

That moment when you're not good enough,

And you know it.

Those times when you cant sok-sok an ga peduli lagi, because you do care.

I feel like an idiot, writing about insecurities all over again.

When they make you feel like you're an annoying dumbass

Because its traumatic. Having been told that what you do and say is always wrong makes you cautious about what you will do or say, fearing that it will hurt or annoy other. But being too aware of what you're going to do or say is a mistake itself because you almost messed up everything again, and you feel like a total idiot a total piece of shit and you're frustrated.

True, what my friend once say, it feels like a giant imaginary elephant is sitting on your chest, shrouding your lungs, suffocating you, making it hard to breath, and your tears start falling, and you want to laugh at yourself because there's no such thing as a giant imaginary elephant and youre just being an idiot, but you cant. Because those emotions are true.

But its alright.

Because I'm starting to get used to paroxysms.

22-10-12

@america

@home

And I watched you change. I dont know why. You're turning into someone I dont even know, you're not the you I met 3 years ago, the first year in junior high, you choose the seat behind me, with our friends we laugh, we talk, we became friends. Hey, I havent felt anything back then, all I know was you are a good friend. And I'm happy about that.

The second year, unexpectedly we share the same class again. We were so close, we talk about things, you thought me how to read guitar tabs, I share you some songs and you study the chords. Our class was the bomb, our friendship was too.You start to change physically and mentally, you grow, and I like that change of yours because you turn into someone better. And I like you. The end of that year, we sat next to each other, I said thankyou for being an obnoxious-irresponsible class captain, and you smiled and said okay. I knew you were a geat friend.

Third year, we didnt share the same class. We are still friends. And you were very lovely, you know? You treat your girlfriend verryyy right, well I thought that so untill you start dumping her like hell. What happened to the 'romantic-nice-heartful' you? And there you go...

I think at that momment you already knew how loveable you are.

This is the fourth year I have known you. You sadly didnt get the high school you were expecting and you get accepted in the same school as I do. We were like usual, friends, old friends. Untill then

We choose the same extraculicular, entered the same class organization. At first, it was okay, I remind you of meetings and blaahss, but I realized you never respect me. You're so nice to senior girls, you're so friendly to your new friends. But not to me. I may have annoy you I guess, I'm not that pretty so you get tired of me. You dont even bother to say thank you or those little things. Your words are rude. You dont listen to me. Almost all the time you disagreed.  I'm not good enough for you.



It wasnt just me. My friends felt that too. You change. You change. Why. Why it must be you. Why does it influence me so much. Why do I care. Why do you make me insecure.

Decided to leave it all behind, I act as usual, like nothing happened, like I dont care, like I'm not hurt, like I dont want you, like it wasnt a big deal..

But just so you know, If one day you realize that I havent talked to you in a while, it's not that I dont care. It's because you pushed me away and left me there.

But you're always going to be my friend. I'm going to be there for you if you need me. I dont need you to care or to be nice to me, but if you have anything to share, I'm always here. Glad to know you dude. Have a nice life.

Bye.

*And if you read this, you should have known...

Saay hello to your newest high schooler!!

Buku panduan MOPDB. Lucu yaaa:3

Nametag super gampang hoho

Seragaam. (ps: foto ini dari instagram tmn gue : @rusidk)

Oke, jadi gue baru aja resmi jadi Peserta Didik Baru SMAN 81 Jakarta. Hoaah njir rasanya baru kemaren masuk sd (?) sekarang udah sma aja gue. Wakaka. Yang gue senengin dari MOPDB (Masa Orientasi Peserta Didik Baru) di 81 tuh, ga neko neko, ga ribet tapi ga terlalu simpel juga. Jadi masih ada yg bisa dikerjain gitu buat Mos, tapi ga seribet temen temen gue yang gue denger curhatannya dari twitter...

Dan gue excited banget:)))

Pernah ga ngerasain delapan-hampir sembilan tahun stuck di satu orang? Segimana pun lo dapet gebetan baru, tetep aja ujung ujungnya balik lagi.Terus nungguin sesuatu yang lo tau gaakan terjadi. Galau banget dah!

Oke. Tema kali ini kok galau banget yah. Iewh. Memang gue mau curhat sih. Jadi.. mohon maaf aja yaa..




Gue udah bebas. Delapan tahun kebelakang, gue emang pathethic banget. Tapi sekarang gue udah bebas. At least, simbolisnya dengan nge unfollow twitter doi.... (hem)

Karena buat lo lo yang pernah ngerasain hal yang sama, well, mungkin ga delapan hampir sembilan tahun juga sih, tapi ketika lo udah berjanji sama diri lo sendiri untuk move on tapi galau lagi ketika ngeliat dia nge tweet. Gue suggest lo untuk melakukan hal yang sama. Because, you do need that 'time off'.

Kalo lo ga tega, gue ada cara lain. Yang pake app Ubersocial di BB, ato Android. Gue rekomendasikan untuk nge mute orang itu, for your own sake, pilih mute until "forever", tenang kalian bisa nge un mute dia kapan aja kok. Kalo kalian pake Tweetcaster, bisa juga di ZIP. Sebelum nge unfollow dia, gue juga nge zip dulu kok:) Seperti ubers, disini juga bisa di unzip kok, *tapi lebih baik jangan yaaa:')*

Buat kalian yang pake Twitter for BlackBerry, Twitter for Android, Twitter for iPhone... Gue sangat merekomendasikan kalian untuk nge download aplikasi aplikasi diatas. Atau kalo kalian tau aplikasi lain yang punya fitur yang sama.

OIYA, Di Tweetdeck kalo gasalah juga bisa deh, nge mute mute gitu. Gue kurang tau karena gue emang gapake hehe:)

Tapi, kekurangan Mute/Zip adalah ketika lo buka Twitter via Web. Orang orang yang udah lo mute/zip muncul lagi. Kalo lo udah gedek, silahkan langsung di unfollow, atau block:')

It works, believe me. Gue punya banyak temen yang melakukan hal yang sama. Dan mereka jadinya ga mikirin orang itu lagi.

Karena unrequited love itu, sakit. Ga guna disimpen lama lama. Lo cuma nyakitin diri lo sendiri. Apalagi sekarang udah zaman nya teknologi canggih. Twitter, fb, Bbm, Instagram, Path. Semuanya bisa banget bikin lo inget dia lagi. Rasa kangen yang berubah jadi rasa kepo terus berevolusi jadi niat nge stalk.... eh jadi galau deh. Capek banget deh kalo susah-payah-berhari-hari 'move on' lo jadi sia sia gara gara nge stalk sehari doaang.

Lagian, lo punya hak kok siapa yang mau lo follow, siapa yang enggak. Jadi harusnya, kalau dia cukup bijaksana, dia bakal ngerti. Kalau dia ga ngerti, trus dia marah, trus dia balik nyindir lo di twitter............. berarti dia alay. Tinggalin sana.

Karena lo ga perlu nunggu sewindu, kayak gue, untuk akhirnya sadar.


*Inspirasi tittle post ini : Sewindu - Tulus*

Okay. Tittle nya alay banget. Couldnt think of anything else.

Jadii di post sebelum ini kalian pasti liat gue nge post tentang Writting Project. Iyee sori yaa itu klise banget sebelom gue kasih tau writting project itu apa gue mau minta maap, hasilnya kurang memuaskan iyuh banget klise banget wakaka ternyata imajinasi instan gue rada rada-_- wkwkwk 20 meniit broo bikin cerita, lumayan nguras otak. Gue tulis aja yang ada dipikiran gue. HAHAHAH.

Jadi Writting Project itu semacam latihan nulis. Dikasih waktu, dan dikasih keyword, kata kunci yang nentuin seluruh tema tulisan kita gitu. Trus nanti ada yang nge rate cerita kitaa. Yaa buat seru seruan aja. Cerita yang lo bikin boleh cerita tulen, curhat, monolog, dialog, apa ajaa yang penting tulisan. Sebenernya ini bener bener wadah buat latihan nulis aja. Karena nulis itu butuh latihan. Siapa tau nanti di masa depan lo disuruh nulis artikel, laporan, ato apaa gitu kan lo bisa latihaan.

Ini terbuka buat siapaa aja, yang mau join mention gue aja langsung @sarahannida hehehe.

Writting Project #1 Keyword: Keinginan Terpendam. 20 Juni 2012. 20 Minutes. 

Adila menarik dirinya ke bagian kanan tempat tidur. Jam menunjukan pukul 06.30, hari itu hari sabtu. Ia menarik selimutnya. Membuka matanya. Menoleh ke arah jendela yang ia biarkan terbuka semalaman.

Ia turun dari tempat tidurnya, membuka kenop pintu kamarnya. Ia turun ke ruang tamu. Sepi.

Mama dan papa sedang mengurus cabang restoran mereka di Singapura. Abang Ardi masih kuliah di Bandung. Abigail, adiknya sedang mengikut MOS 7 hari sekolahnya di daerah Sukabumi.

Selalu sepi.

Keinginan terpendam Adila selama ini adalah untuk menyatukan keluarga nya satu weekend saja. Tahun ini mereka makin sibuk dengan urusan masing masing. Mama dan Papa dengan restoran mereka, Abang dengan kuliahnya, Abigail yang tahun ini menjalani Ujian Nasional SMP yang pastinya jadi sering menghabiskan waktu di tempat les dari pada dirumah. Dan Adila sendiri dengan kesibukan menyanyi nya.

Ya, Adila menyanyi. Albumnya cukup meledak di pasaran. Walaupun dia bukan tipe artis yang sering tampil pada acara menyanyi lip sing pagi hari, dia cukup terkenal, dia menyanyi di YouTube, di acara amal, di acara   

perpisahan sekolah, di acara besar bank bank Indonesia, dia pembukaan konser artis luar negri.

Setidaknya dia tidak akan terlalu kesepian. Jam 7 pagi setiap hari sabtu, Keenan, gitarisnya, akan melangkah masuk rumah besar ini untuk latihan vokal kecil kecilan. Itu sudah jadi tradisi di antara mereka. Setiap Sabtu jam 7 pagi.

Nanti malam ada acara prom besar di salah satu SMA terkemuka di Jakarta. Mereka akan tampil. Dan sebelum vocal coach Adila datang nanti jam 10 pagi, Adila's time is Keenan's.

Mobil Honda jazz merah masuk ke perkarangan rumah. Adila, yang baru selesai mandi, tersenyum kecil sambil melirik jam dinding. Not even a second late. Keenan tidak pernah terlambat. Jam 7. Tepat. Dia pasti sudah sampai.

Keenan bertubuh ideal. Rambutnya sedikit acak acak, kulit nya putih, senyumnya manis. Tapi itu semua tertutup dibalik kacamata ber frame hitam dan behel biru.

"Assalamualaikum"

"Waalaikumsalam. Hai" Adila membuka pintu.

Setelah bebincang bincang mereka masuk studio. Membicarakan hal hal seperti lagu apa yang akan Adila bawakan, lagu artis mana yang akan dia cover, pada kunci berapa dia mau bermain, dan bla bla bla.

Adila bahkan tidak memperhatikan. Matanya tertuju pada mata Keenan. Cowok ini sudah menjadi salah satu teman terdekatnya selama hampir 5 tahun. Dan itu saja. Tidak lebih. Tidak pernah akan lebih. Keenan punya Pricilia, dan Adila punya Robby.

Dan Adila menyesalinya. Dari sekian banyak keinginan terpendamnya, yang paling ia inginkan adalah

mencintai Keenan..

HUF. KLISE ABIS. GA SEMPET BIKIN 'SESUATU' BECAUSE THE TIME LIMIT. HUFFH.SORRY TO DISSAPOINT YOU:(
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Other Participant: Galuh Anisa Putri
Keyword Giver and Judge: Dinda Anisa Nindya Sakina

Hola amigos. Udah lamaa yaa ga nge post. Udah seminggu, maaf yaa kawan. *gayaan kayak ada yang baca blog ini aja*

Oke jadi gue abis blogwalking dan gue menemukan blog blog bagus hahahaha, blog personal orang tapi enak banget dibaca. Selaluu aja gue dapet motivasi nge blog abis liat blog orang, ckckck.

oke sekarang gue mau sering2 nge post. doain gue yaa!!

Blah, Random.

*PS: Akhirnya setelah bertahun tahun gue menemukan caranya add page di blogger (*katro*) HAHAHAHA. Dulu gue emg gaada intention untuk bikin pages jadi ga gue utak atik. eh pas di cari langsung ketemu hahaha. Congratulatioon to mee yeaah. So dear nice people, go click on it please? (*_*)

That gleeful moment ketika lo udah keterima SMA. Dan sekolah itu sekolah yang lo mau dari duluu trus temen temen lo juga keterima disaana. Even your crush is there too! :P  lo udah siap start over. Lo udah siap jadi pribadi baru.

Yesterday, 2nd June 2012 is the big day.

I'm thankful for Allah, Evelotre lulus 100 perseeenn!!

What I'm even more thankfull of is my score. I never expected this score, I always thought that maybe I can only get 38,00 because the test is pretty hard. It turns out better than what I've been expecting

Truth is, wether you get a good score or bad score. It doesnt define who you are, It doesnt mean youre dumb or whatever. Because your intelligence does not measured by a 4 day test only. Every body is smart and clever on their own way. Ever heard about multiple intelligence?:)

Some people just dont understand that sometimes we need a time on our own. To be drowned by our own thoughts, wether its right or wrong. To fill our brain with endless possibilities that comes from our own thoughts.
To cry. To laugh. To think. On your own.

Because if we take the time to realize, we are our only friend. We take care of ourself, we are being told to never trust someone 100%, and we watched with our own eyes that people who are suppose to watch each other's back turns out to be betraying one another. Why? Because we never know what they feel inside. 


We never really know what our bestfriend think when we told them our problems, she might laugh inside, she might be glad that you have it, but why do we refuse to believe this and decided to believe that they actually care?

Because we wanted to be cared about.

And we wanted to care about someone.

This whole thing about having no one as your friend in real life, happens to everyone. Which makes you are not alone. Get it? You are not alone because you are alone. You dont really get it, do you?

The fact that everyone feels the same make them see the person in front of them differently. They know what this person is going through, they know how it feels like, they've walked in this person's shoes.

They said dont tell someone to stop crying if you dont know how it feels like, right?


Well at least, that's what we supposed to feel. Unfortunately some people dont get it.

So because we are all alone at heart, we know when someone need a hug, or a smile. A friend. That's why we started making friends.

When you're with them, nothing ever goes wrong, eh? You promised to yourself to never let them down, to always make them smile, to never let anyone hurt them, to help them with all you can when they're in trouble. Even though deep down, you know you cant do everything on your promises.

But this people you call friends will not always be there for you, they may not always make you smile when you're down, they're not always on your side, they sometimes tell you you're wrong, but you refuse to believe them even though you're not right. They may have different opinions, you guys disagree on many things, their decisions may let you down. They can break you, but they can also make you.

How to keep them on your side? By letting them go when they need to. People have problems, people have days when they feel like the couldnt make it any longer, sometimes a hug is not enough. Some times it takes more than just a hug.

It takes time.

They need time.

You need time.

On your own. To figure things out. To decide wether to be immature or to start growing up. To take a look back, and to think. To think what you should do to face the world, the situation, the people you love.

To just find out who you are.

Let them have their own time. To cool off. Let them go. But dont make them run too far. When they're ready, come to them. Let them know that you are there for them. That they are safe with you. That they can trust you. Maybe we should stop saying I love you and start saying I care about you.

Because I love you is too mainstream, it gets too exposed, lots of people doesnt really mean it while saying it. Some people might be manipulating us when they said it to us. But we dont have any choice, we believe them.

Let them know that they care about you. Let them know that they are needed. Because, at the end of the day, that's what we really need right? To be needed. So say it from the bottom of your heart. Sincere. Unforced.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this post was just a piece of bullshits. Maybe this world is too cold to agree with me,

But maybe, just maybe, you understand.

30.4.12