;A sudden, strong emotion.

That moment when paroxysm hit you, and you just want to kneed down and cry, ever experienced that?

That moment when all you ever wanted was right there, yet you cant even reach through it.

That moment, that special someone, who you thought was not special anymore.

That moment when you're not good enough,

And you know it.

Those times when you cant sok-sok an ga peduli lagi, because you do care.

I feel like an idiot, writing about insecurities all over again.

When they make you feel like you're an annoying dumbass

Because its traumatic. Having been told that what you do and say is always wrong makes you cautious about what you will do or say, fearing that it will hurt or annoy other. But being too aware of what you're going to do or say is a mistake itself because you almost messed up everything again, and you feel like a total idiot a total piece of shit and you're frustrated.

True, what my friend once say, it feels like a giant imaginary elephant is sitting on your chest, shrouding your lungs, suffocating you, making it hard to breath, and your tears start falling, and you want to laugh at yourself because there's no such thing as a giant imaginary elephant and youre just being an idiot, but you cant. Because those emotions are true.

But its alright.

Because I'm starting to get used to paroxysms.

22-10-12

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