I wrote this in my most ignorant state.
Today I went to many places and meet many faces and I felt obligated to try to describe what’s going through my mind, I need to try to write. I hope to write. Because writing should be my one and only escape, nothing else.
My anger, my hunger, in the most literal meaning, my curiosity, my judgements, sadness that comes by surprise, all at once. Happens tonight.
My thought defines my merit, and I should be the one to cope with the needs of my own self-reliance ability in this new born life, in order to survive. Indeed, this is a battle of existing. Existing in the most profound way.
Expecting everything to fall in to place is a misery to begin with. I cant even start on how weird this day feels like, weird in a very particular meaning, weird in the most obvious ways. Weird depicted in a simple form. It's kind of tacky the world we live in, the happy the sad they are all trying to compromise, to coexist. But did we really try?
As simple as this. A friend you keep is your own to keep. an honour you reach is your own to reach. We all live alone in this cold world. But do we tolerate?
I do not know whether I can still surpass this whole "kanan" "kiri" thingy in my head. I put labels on things I do not need to and I swallow my own misjudgement every day.
I should try to consume my own deflection by any means.
Depok, Casa Uno.
It is late, and relatively dark outside. I'm waiting for my roommate to come, I feel like reading her book now that she left it in the open, am so looking towards new dear things. I'm tired being preoccupied with selfish thoughts and irresponsible feelings. I should get my game on, my head straight. It's a new life to begin with.
sarahannida
