july

Thursday, July 17, 2025

 awkward chatters fills the air but it was warm and fuzzy. the warmest ice cream shop ever.


i played with the little babies and our stickers and paint by numbers are all spread out the table.


noises.

    looks behind for a second. 

you were there from an extended invite i did not even know.

 i smiled ( i cried for you in june ). 

said hi and force a laughter. 


you said “its not your baby isnt it?”


“really, that was the first thing you said to me?” almost whispering, half joking. eyes were on us because its a story for the ages. but they were pretending to not see. they hoped to hear. a laughter from your side and a small pat in my head, “how are you?” (that was a first time)


you tried to have the best seat, where our knees touch just like old times, where you can lean your hands in my chair, where you can whisper “can we go for coffee?”


“sure”


“okay”


the group take their photos and stands up

i make sure “right now right? you did not say when, you might have mean next year” and you squinted your eyes, took your key cars into my fingers, 


“sekarang. you hold this”



and so our breath hitched. 

it was my first time in your car.


22 April

Monday, June 16, 2025


 

31 Mei

Thursday, May 15, 2025

 31 mei

satu tahun


sejak aku memilih diriku sendiri


itu yang aku ucap dan yang mereka tau

tetapi, 

sebenarnya aku memilih kamu

kamu yang datang tiga bulan lagi, 

 kamu tersenyum tanpa gigi

memilin kata demi kata untuk mengetuk senyum wajah mungil ini


kamu dan kopi di tangan kananmu,

satu gelas yang aku janji belikan

karena aku tak mau ingkar janji padamu

dan kamu yang ucapkan beribu sungkan


(besok, besok kita ke tempat matcha favoritmu)

(aku jemput pukul sembilan)

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